


Deep Space Nine-Nine

by phnelt



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: AU, Human/Vulcan relationship, Humor, M/M, Star Trek AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-07 05:54:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17954834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phnelt/pseuds/phnelt
Summary: “Come on R’osa, you’re a Vulcan, can’t you sense other Vulcans or something with your psychic powers?” Jake was waving his hands dramatically through the air, trying to illustrate his point but R’osa was just looking at him nonplussed.Inspired by this tumblr post by startrekislgbt: "Brooklyn 99 Star Trek!AU where Holt and Kevin are a human x vulcan couple but the running gag is that no one knows who is the human and who is the vulcan."





	Deep Space Nine-Nine

**Author's Note:**

> This is the tumblr post: https://startrekislgbt.tumblr.com/post/181905489599/brooklyn-99-star-trekau-where-holt-and-kevin-are
> 
> Sorry if someone else wrote this, I couldn't find it, but on the other hand I also couldn't help myself!

“Come on R’osa, you’re a Vulcan, can’t you sense other Vulcans or something with your psychic powers?” Jake was waving his hands dramatically through the air, trying to illustrate his point but R’osa was just looking at him nonplussed. She didn’t even have to raise her eyebrow to do it. Amy wished she could do that. When she was unimpressed, people weren’t even intimidated. And they should be! She’s a quarter Klingon! When her mother doesn’t get enough sesame seeds on her morning bagel, all the merchants on the promenade cower. When Amy’s hasperat wrap is missing the hasperat, all she gets is a ‘better luck next time’ shrug.

“You have no idea how Vulcans work.” Rosa infuses those words with so much scorn, while still not changing her tone of voice at all. 

“What’s going on in here?” Sergeant Jeffords saw the cluster and turned his black eyes on R’osa before frowning to look at Jake. “You better not be gossiping about our new Security Captain.” Everyone guiltily averted their eyes, except for R’osa who stared impassively back. The worst thing about having a full-Betazoid sergeant was knowing that he knew all your stupid feelings and still treated you like a professional adult. The guilt was the worst.

“Anyway,” he continued gazing quickfire around the room. “We’re lucky to have Captain Holt. He used to work all the way up in Ops before he came down to slum it with all of you.” Get back to work.

***

The topic was effectively dropped until the Captain had the whole squad over to his quarters for a party celebrating the Bajoran Gratitude Festival.

Kevin greeted them at the door. She could see a throng of guests milling around, all of them in their best fashions. There was one entity in an sparkly aqua tunic that Amy could never pull off in a thousand years, but she wanted to. Everyone here was just as sophisticated and impressive as the Captain. She needed to make friends with everyone immediately.

“Hello,” Kevin said.

“Hi!” She pressed her bag forward for him to take. “Thank you for having us! The Gratitude Festival is my favourite one to celebrate.” He peered at her over his nose.

“Do Klingons not have strong proscriptions against following the practices of other cultures?”

Her smile dimmed. “Yes, that’s right, uh…” she trailed off. Her mom wouldn’t care, but she didn’t want Holt to think she was dishonourable.

“Hm.” She looked over at Jake.  _ Help,  _ her eyes said. He stared back at her, crazy eyed,  _ How?  _ But Kevin solved that problem for them.

“Husband, look,” he called Holt over, “your guests have brought--” Kevin peered at the bottles, “synthehol. I’ll put that over in the corner. But by all means, go enjoy the festivities. Help yourselves to an actual beverage.” Before he walked off, he put out his hand with his two first fingers extended. Holt did the same and they pressed their fingers together for a full second sliding his fingers down and away. R’osa did her thing where she absolutely didn’t move but somehow still stiffened up.

Holt nodded at them. “Peralta, Diaz, go enjoy the party.” And Holt was off in the crowd. 

Jake swung around. “Ok, new theory, Kevin’s the Vulcan and Holt is, I don’t know, being sensitive to his culture?” His face was all contorted up, so you knew he was thinking hard.

R’osa interjected. “Whoever it is, they’re wild.” Amy wheeled on R’osa.

“What makes you say that?”

“They were just making out in front of everyone.”

“What? Ew! No way.” Amy had to shake herself.

“I’m telling you. Wild.” And with a jut of her chin, R’osa walked off towards the drinks table.

***

After the party, the bet was on full-force. Whoever could first prove which of Holt or Kevin was Vulcan didn’t have to take any holosuite incidents for a month. It was a pretty sweet prize.

At one point, Holt called out sick for a number of days and they badgered R’osa to find out if there were any specific Vulcan illnesses that could do that. R’osa just blushed a little and said they did not speak of it. Which was weird but whatever. 

Amy was going to get that prize.

Jake learned some Vulcan phrases, Holt just looked at him weirdly and responded in Standard. Or maybe it was the universal translator. No one could know. Amy tried making a logic proof to explain why she should pursue a particular line of investigation. Holt only commended her attempt at logic and pointed out a fault in her proof. 

Scully broke the climate controls to see what colour Holt would flush, and all that happened was that Boyle passed out by the replicator, his Andorian constitution unable to handle the heat.

Everyone was starting to give up when:

“--you got  _ stabbed? _ ”

Holt waved Kevin off. “ _ Lightly  _ stabbed.”

While they were arguing, Amy waved Jake over furiously. “Jake! Jake,” she breathed, “What colour was the blood.” Jake just made a pained face at her.

“No,” she said aghast. “How could you not know?”

“When I saw him he was all bandaged up! I offered to redress his wound like 14 times but he just pulled out a dermal regenerator and now it’s all healed up.”

“Are you guys still on about this?” Oh no, Terry was disappointed. “The Captain got stabbed--”  _ lightly stabbed,  _ Amy thought hysterically, “and this is what you’re thinking about? Get it together. Amy, didn’t you get enough of this at the academy? Be better.” Man, when he’s right, he’s right. Maybe they were thinking too much about this. It wasn’t fun, Klingons treating her like she wasn’t one of them, human classmates wondering how she ‘worked’. Was she doing the same thing as them?

She resolved to leave the Captain alone, just like Terry said.

“You’re right, sir.”

“Good.” And he went off, taking a wide berth from where Holt and Kevin were standing. She looked a little closer. No, it wasn’t just a wide berth, he’d swung by and grabbed at the bandage that Holt had used. Sneaky! He had been using her emotions against her, classic Betazoid move. Or maybe just a dad move.

She chased after him and got a hand on it before he could unwrap it. They begun a tug of war. Now, Terry worked out, but Amy had years of suppressed Klingon rage and stubbornness on her side. She was going to win this.

“What’s this?” She and Terry froze in their tracks. “You don’t think I’d be so careless as to leave my own bandage out when I know there’s a bet on.” He inclined his head slightly, which in any other man would have been an emphatic headshake. “You’re going to have to work a little harder than that. You’re detectives. Detect.”

And then he strode out into the Promenade with Kevin.

“Man, I just don’t know.” Terry was peering after them.

“I still think Kevin is the Vulcan.” Jake was looking a little starstruck, but he hadn’t given up his pet theory. 

“But who other than a Vulcan would use this as a training exercise? It’s so logical!”

R’osa just snorted, and the debate showed no signs of slowing down.

**Author's Note:**

> \- I know R'osa isn't a Vulcan name but I couldn't resist the joke  
> \- I couldn't decide if I preferred this set on DS9 during DS9 or if I wanted Amy to be Tom and B'Elanna's daughter so imagine whichever one you prefer  
> \- To complete the Tumblr loop (for as long as the site lasts) you can reblog the story here: https://tmblr.co/ZD3Daw2gZD8Mp


End file.
